After the First Day...

We survived the first day of school.  Now what?

I have had children so happy to come to school on the first day and on day two turn around and tell mom matter of factly, “I am not going to school today, maybe tomorrow.”  He did “school” already, why does he have to come again? 

Hopefully, after day one of preschool, your child separates more and more easily with each day.  Sometimes, however, the child that skipped off to school on day one starts the second week of school with tears.  For some children, the novelty of the new school shoes, new backpack, and all the exciting toys at school wears off after the first week or two.  At this point separation problems may begin to arise.

Rest assured, if there are tears when you say goodbye in the morning, but smiles at pick-up, everything at school is going well.  Some strategies to reduce the goodbye tears are to create and stick to a goodbye ritual.  Predictable routine relieves some of the stress your child may be feeling.  Work with your child to practice your fun goodbye, perhaps a hug, kiss, fist bump and Eskimo kiss.  Get creative and let your child be a part of the process of developing this super-secret goodbye.  Also, it may be easier for your child to say goodbye to mom at home, this way he or she is leaving mom and not vice versa.  Dad, Grandma, a babysitter, or Aunt Sue can drop off at school instead.  This may not be an option.  Car seat logistics alone make my head spin.  Instead, consider meeting a friend and parent in the parking lot and have your child walk in with a buddy and his or her parent.  Make sure to tell your child who will be picking up at the end of the day.  Include your child’s teacher in the discussion on how to help with separation.  The classroom teachers are a wonderful resource and will be there to help make an individualized plan that will work best for you and your child.

Every child is different and while it may be so easy for one child to say goodbye in the morning, it may take another child until Thanksgiving before a tear free good-bye (and then it can all start over again after holiday break).  In Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children, by Michael Thompson, Ph. D., Catherine O’Neill Grace, and Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph. D., it is suggested that the parents of a child who is struggling with separation anxiety invite classmates to their homes for play dates or even run a playgroup from the home.  The belief is that in some cases the separation anxiety stems from feeling overwhelmed in the new social situation at school.  By providing your child with the opportunity to build relationships with classmates in a comfortable home setting, your child will begin to gain confidence.  As this confidence grows it provides a solid base that will allow for successful play in the new social world that is preschool.

Remember:  Your child will not go to college sucking his thumb, still in her diapers, or clinging to your leg for dear life.  As a good friend often reminds me, “this too, shall pass.”